Thursday, May 29, 2014

From Fear to Faith

     I came across this saying in my photo roll on my phone today.  I needed this message, and I realize that this should have been my mantra for quite a while now.  It seems obvious, right?  I mean, why would I let my fear outweigh my faith?  Yet I did.  I have been.  It's time to shift.  
     So why would I let my fear outweigh my faith??  Because fear is sneaky.  It is a strong monster when we let it control us.  I know.  I've been living in it for a while now, but not realizing the control I was allowing it to have over my life.  It's not the "afraid of what goes bump in the night" kind of fear.  This is the "I don't know if I can do it - I'm not good enough - It's too good to be true because I'm not worthy of it" kind of fear that our "ego" offers us.
     Over the last couple of days it has risen to the surface more strongly than ever before.  In fact, as I type this, I can feel the physical sensations in my body that I have come to associate with anxiety based fear.  As this has come up over the past few months, I have created story after story around it.  The main story has been about relationship, but when there is nothing to place fear on there, I move on to lack of money/living space/job fulfillment/guilt/anything to create a story as to why I am "feeling anxious" or "fearful".
      In the midst of all of this, I have read the book "The True You" by Erica Rock and have been focusing on meditations around Grace blessings.  (Seewww.ericarock.com).  I have also completed Life and Leadership Potentials Training with iPEC, an amazing Life Coach Certification program and journey (www.iPECcoaching.com).  I have the tools to rise above, but I haven't been using them, so the fear and anxiety linger.  This has been going on for a frustratingly long time.  
     Can I "blame" life experiences and say that there is a LOT of change happening in my life right now, so it makes sense that I would be facing some fears and feeling anxious?  
     Yes.  And no.  
     Yes, I "CAN" place blame.  I've tried that.  I have looked outside of myself for reasons to feel fearful and I have found plenty of them.  By the way, that is what we call "giving away our power".  I have given away my power to other people, to circumstances, even to my own choices by not owning them and then blaming them for my "situation".  Is this helpful?  (all together now...) "NO!"

     There IS a lot of change happening in my life right now.  I am facing many fears.  I am human.  Therefore it does make sense that I would be feeling anxious and fearful, and so I have had a choice all along.  I could choose fear. I could choose faith.  Out of fear, I searched for proof that would support my "faith".
I'm going to say that again.
Out of fear, I searched for PROOF that would support my "faith".
(A definition of faith from Merriam-Webster Online: Faith: (1) firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) :  complete trust)
     Who sees the discrepancy here?  (Yes, me too)

     I lost all faith.  Goals, intentions, plans for the future, desires I had, but because of my loss of faith, I saw each of those things from the other side.  My goals, intentions, etc. were all from a space of lack and limitation, so what have I been experiencing?  More and more evidence of lack and limitation.  

     [The Universe/God/Presence/Divine/_______ provides for us.  No matter what we need, She/He/It provides, IF we are clear in our intention and open to receiving!  (Note I said It provides what we Need, not so much what we think we should have, but clarity of intention is a subject for another day.)]

     What woke me up?

     Fear.  Yep.  What put me to sleep is what is also waking me up. 

     The catalyst for this has been seeing someone dear to me struggle with her own fears and challenges, and rather than be a source of strength for her, I inserted myself into her story and took on her needs as a personal thing.  It's a long story, but that's the gist.  Recognizing that one of my biggest fears just may be coming to fruition because of my choices has been my most recent wake up call.  

     I feel the fear, as I said, in my chest and solar plexus.  It's a feeling.  What is changing is the story that I am adding to the feeling.  It's easy to tell a story and the fear feeds on it.  Today, this moment, anyway, I am choosing to breathe through it.  Rather than create a reason for feeling the fear (and believe me, I have some great reasons), I am sitting with it, right here in the moment and breathing.  It is helping.  I am choosing, here in this moment, to have faith that it really is all working out.  I don't know the outcome.  I don't even know what is going to happen in the next 30 seconds.  I do know that as long as I keep breathing, I will get to find out what happens, and I will have the opportunity to choose my approach.  I have the opportunity to choose my intention.  I have the opportunity to choose what step to take in the direction of my desires.
     My choice in this moment?

     Just Breathe, simply on the Faith that the air will be there to fill my lungs.

                                  Peace and Blessings and boatloads of Faith