Tuesday, August 04, 2015

Self Love Revolution......Day 1......Stream of consciousness share to get the ball rolling!

To stay in integrity with what I'm saying that I want to do....to open my own heart more fully and to stay mindful during times when I may be closing off, I'm following through with one of the suggestions to share the daily fb page post on my own timeline. But, before I do, there is much more that I have to say. Believe it or not, this has become a challenge for me to openly share my own trials and tribulations. It seems strange to me - the person who not so long ago would Blog and share all sorts of things. Over the past 2 years, however, I've shifted and closed myself off more and more, and only recently have I realized this. Now, as I type, I recognize some of the fears - the little voice saying "stop! you're posting too much. No one needs a play by play of your thoughts. You're too scattered. No one wants to read what you have to say." My argument back? TOUGH SHIT! Yep. That little voice has held me back for long enough, and the truth is, that little voice also needs love. That little voice is the "shadow side"....the "gremlin".... the "mean girl" (or boy).... call it what you will, but it's something that we all have and experience at one time or another, and sometimes it stops us in our tracks. I know mine has done that for me. The thing is, sometimes, being stopped in our tracks is the best blessing ever because it forces us to take a breath and look around at where we are, and only then can we make a decision about where we want to be.

I'm reminded of a bee trying to get out a window. Flying into the glass repeatedly, changing direction, trying different positions, but always banging into the glass. From our perspective, we can often see that all it needs to do is fly a little left or right, and all would be well - right out it would go. But the poor little thing seems to be in such a panic that it just keeps bouncing off the glass, not pausing to take a step back and view the bigger picture.

I'm that bee. Or I have been. My proverbial glass is all of the "tools" in my "spiritual toolbox". (I've written about this toolbox before, I think) Rather than bounce off the glass, I juggle my tools, and then get frustrated because I get rundown and exhausted from the juggle. The Self-Love Revolution is my time to step back and take the breath; To assess my surroundings; To take a more mindful look within. Is it scary? Yes. For some reason it is. It may be called vulnerability. There might be a myriad of other descriptive terms as well. I'm not sure exactly what the fear is, but I feel it in my body. (By the way, I have a tool for that)

I have a strong inkling that I am not alone in this experience of recognizing that there is a part of myself that I have preferred to keep "hidden" - that side that is vulnerable and feeling unloveable, even though I "KNOW" that's not true, that the Truth is, all of me IS lovable. Sometimes, though, those inner subliminals get the best of me. So, off I go on this Revolution. I encourage anyone who is willing to view themselves more lovingly to join in. You don't have to share on your own timeline. You don't have to post a streaming blog around it. You can simply hang out on the Facebook page and share there. For me, it's time to be bold again. It's time to be ME again.

To Love. To Life. To playing big and playing raw....