Self DIScovery....Self REcovery

This is a photo that my Mom gave me years ago.
It is only recently that the words have REALLY begun to
resonate.  And yes.  It's a bit blurry, the image... as has been
my journey of listening to my heart.

Finding our passion, getting to the Truth of who we are is not something that we can "do". It isn't even something that we can BECOME.  It is WHO we ARE!  Our "job" is not to to find our passion, but rather to REVEAL it, or better yet, to get out of the way for our passion to reveal itself.

As the revealing unfolds, our old ways/habits/ego tricks hold on for dear life and remind us of who we are NOT.

How, do we really know that is who we are not?  We know because those old ways feel like shit!  They no longer resonate with who we are revealing ourselves to be!

When we embark intentionally on the path of Self Recovery, we begin to notice when we feel like crap, when things just don't fit the way they used to.  It could be compared to a diet.    At first we may not notice the change in our body even though the scale may indicate change.  Then suddenly we need a belt with a pair of pants that were snug before.  The beginning of a diet often feels very uncomfortable.  Changing eating habits, new foods, releasing toxins all "painful" experiences.  The same goes for the inner work of revealing our True self.

Letting go of the old, allowing in the new (which, by the way, is not really new because it is the TRUTH), means feeling resistance, acknowledging that there are aspects of ourselves that we no longer wish to align with, but that we must acknowledge and love nonetheless.  It means getting comfortable in the discomfort and honoring ourselves for feeling shitty one minute and on top of the world the next.

Why am I saying this today?

Because this has been my journey over the last few months.  It has really been my journey for years, but it has really become poignant over the last few months.  Change the "we's" above to "I's"..... but I said WE, because I know that I am not alone in this trek.  None of us are.  I am fully immersed right now in this revealing and process that I am now referring to as Self Recovery, rather than Self DIScovery.  I am getting ME back.  A ME that I'm not sure I ever met before, but a ME that I know is WHO I intended to BE when I first made appearance here on this Earth.  A ME that is Love.  Pure, simple, Love.  That Love begins within ME and the more I allow it to surface from within, the more I can share and offer to others, to YOU.

I have come to realize that my Passion is to assist others in the realization of their passion and dreams.  It turns out, so it would seem, that in order to live my passion, I also get the pleasure of experiencing what my passion is NOT!

CONTRAST!

It is in the CONTRAST that our TRUTH is revealed and we (I) can make the decision to SHOW UP in a way that is CONGRUENT with the ME that I CHOOSE to share with the world!

I offer to you, if you happen to be on a similar journey, if you happen to be in the process of becoming aware of some area of dissatisfaction in your self or your life, just take some time to notice.  Notice what is happening for you.  Notice how you are feeling.  Notice how your thoughts align with your words and the actions that follow, and notice the feeling that results.  Simply notice for now.  Maybe make a note of it.  Then, when you feel inclined, review your notes OR review mentally and decide how you REALLY want to feel.  Then just keep noticing.

To Passion, to Noticing, and to the journey of Self Recovery!

Endless Love and Blessings to all.

The Authenticity of a True YES

Are YOU willing to say "yes"?

I am.

Well, I say that I am willing to say "yes", that I am ready to say "YES"  In fact, I say "YES" so loudly that sometimes I seem to blow out my own flame with all of the hot air that comes out of my mouth!

WHAT?!?

Yes, I'm calling myself a big liar.
I'm not the only one - big liar, that is.
Let me guess, now you're thinking, "Is she calling ME a liar too?" (Or maybe you're not because you are so secure in yourself and your own expression that you would never take anything that another person says to heart; or, maybe you are so sure of yourself that you don't NEED to hear what anyone else has to say; or, maybe I've got you wondering; OR, (if you are still reading) you are feeling some level of emotion rising up within you.  So which is it?)

What am I lying about?

I'm lying about how I feel.  I'm lying when I say that I am so ready and willing to say YES to life and to shine my light out in the world.  It's not that I don't want to be ready, willing and shining.  I mean, I do it!  I am out there doing it.   I am not, however, doing it with the utmost authenticity.  I realized this morning that I feel so very out of integrity with myself.
I notice when others are not being authentic.
I notice when others say one thing and do another.
I have been noticing lately that everywhere I look, there seems to be a mirror.  All of those aspects of self on which I place my highest value are reflecting back to me as either a shimmering star or a most belligerent gremlin.  Mostly I've been noticing the gremlins and they aggravate me.  The gremlins upset me.  I "act" as though it's fine.  I am a "spiritual" person, after all, and I am on the path of Love and Acceptance, so I just have to accept what is.  Yet somehow, I feel out of integrity.

Today's realization during a coaching call came as no surprise when my coach asked how I really felt about a certain situation and I said, "well, I don't like it, but I'm willing to accept it as it is", and I felt a constriction in my chest and throat.  Saying the words felt out of integrity with my Truth.  My coach pointed this out and gently reminded me that it's OK not to like something and to just be OK with not liking it, rather than "forcing" myself to accept it, just stop with not liking it - HONOR THE FEELING.

So I did.

I honored the feeling.  I don't like this particular situation, and that's that.  And you know what?  I can say that with ease.  It changes nothing about the situation, but I feel much more authentic and aligned with myself.

This simple realization allows me the space to shout out a robust and resounding "YES" to life without fear of squelching my own flame!  Why?  Because I no longer (in this moment....because this will be an ongoing practice while I "unlearn" some fancy tricks) 'need' to cover up/push down/squash my true feelings in favor of putting on a stoic, unfeeling show.  By the way, if you know me, you're probably thinking that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and yes, in some ways I do.  It is the deeper emotions, the ones that are the undercurrent for everything, that have been ignored and redirected time and time again.  Now that every other layer of this little sea has been washed away, there is nothing left to redirect the undercurrents.  They have risen up and the dam has broken and the flow is moving.  The best part is, I recognize that there was never a need for the damn dam in the first place!

To saying YES to life, to Truth, to YOU (and to me).

(It has been a roller coaster journey for me for the past 9 months or so, but I trust that it will be so very worth it in the long run.  The book The True You by Erica Rock opens doors for opening the heart and offers step by step guidance on navigating these sometimes murky waters.  My challenge has been letting go of my own resistance.  Even as a certified Grace Blessings Giver, I'm still practicing.)