Sunday, December 06, 2009

Meditative Writing

During a particularly melancholy period of my personal journey, I had the occasion to write down some of my thoughts and questions. This was a very interesting meditative writing experience and seemed worthwhile to share. (Modified slightly) Some of the information is my way of “thinking through” the situation, other parts seemed to come through me rather than “from” me. The questions between paragraphs are my questions and much of what follows them is the “answer” that I received. (I should also specify that I do understand that not everyone is here to experience the same lessons. The lessons that I write about below apply to those of us who ARE learning these particular things. If any of this resonates with you, perhaps we are classmates.)

Enjoy.

I find that I feel less melancholy when I remember that my thoughts control my feelings and that I control my thoughts, thereby controlling my reactions to things that happen in my life. The difficulty, of course, lies in controlling these negative thoughts.

I have, once again, begun looking “without” for my happiness. I have been searching for that outer source to bring me the peace and joy that I seek, forgetting (or perhaps choosing to ignore) that happiness only comes from within. Although I do find great joy and happiness in speaking and being with a certain person, it is not this person or a relationship with them that ultimately provides me with joy and happiness. I have already been provided with all of the happiness and joy that I need. We all are filled with joy, peace and happiness. These things are within each of us. They are a part of us and we are a part of them. We share them (“IT”) with those around us.

It is during the times that I (we) lose site of this inner containment that I (we) begin to search outside of ourselves for “IT”. It would seem then, that the loss (or misplacement) of our “IT” occurs when we begin looking for “IT” on the outside. Therefore, it must hold true that there is never any need to look for “IT”. “IT” is always there, always within, always with each of us. Sometimes “IT” goes deeply within and hides, seemingly lost.


[Why?]

Perhaps this is so that we may more readily experience those things that are meant to be part of the Human Experience. Perhaps that is part of our lesson on reaction to things and letting go of expectation. The knowledge that “IT” (“IT” being joy, happiness, peace, tranquility, alignment with “Source” of God, etc.) is always within allows the release of all expectation, all attachment to the outcome of any given situation.

Expectation and the attachment to the outcome are simply methods of seeking “IT” from the outside. By expecting something or attaching to an outcome, we are telling ourselves and the Universe that we do not feel that we are enough. We are looking for something to fulfill us, something that we can hold on to and “bring in” to our being. Ultimately, this does not work. We may, initially, increase our level of joy and happiness, but in the long run it will fade away and we will, once again, be left to seek that elusive “outer IT”.

We must remember that “IT” is within each of us. “IT” is the Light, the Truth, the Way, Joy, Peace and Happiness and WE are all of these things. As Human Beings we are simply parts of the greater Whole – We are the Universe experiencing itself in HUMAN FORM. (From “The Secret”, I think – alas, that part is a borrowed quote, though I am not sure where I heard it at the moment.)

[Why do we experience sadness and depression if we are all of “IT”?]

This is part of the experience. Humans have the ability to experience these emotions, but some of us are just now learning that these emotions do not serve us well. They do not lead toward our Highest Good.

The release of these emotions led me to the thought of a toddler having a tantrum or seemingly inexplicably loud cry. He or she is experiencing a wonderful release in the only manner he or she is able to comprehend. We, as adults, do not do this of course. Just as a child identifies with their toys or a special blanket, so too do we identify with our emotions. They are OURS and we want to hold onto them! Depression and sadness take hold because we are, in no uncertain terms, afraid to release them. If we let them go, we may have nothing left. We fear the unknown. Despite the seemingly delusional way of thinking, our Ego or “little me” (as referred to by Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, The Power of Now) does not want to let go of the comfort that has been established by these emotions which have become so dear to our hearts.


[Why hold on? Why are they “dear” to us if they are so negative and are NOT self-serving?]


They are a part of us. They are part of our challenge and part of our lesson in letting go. The challenge that we face is to learn to let go and allow the Divine Plan to work for us. Our Souls have chosen to come into this life, into this body in order to learn particular lessons.

The following is my own account/experience, though I wrote it with an open mind and “free-flowing” pen.

I am at a crossroad in my life. I can choose to allow myself the freedom of “flow” and acceptance, or I can choose to fight it and continue to seek outwardly. However, I am tired of seeking. I am tired of feeling negative and I am tired of waiting (however unintentional it may be) for someone else to determine my happiness. I am tired of all of these things, yet I still hesitate to move on. Why do I hesitate? Why do I hold so tightly to this negativity which is NOT serving my Highest Good?

Like water, I want to flow, to go with the current. (This does not imply unconditional conformity in any way. I refer only to the general flow of life.) I want to allow myself to drift with the currents because ultimately I will arrive at my intended destination no matter what. It is simply a matter of how much of a struggle I must endure to get there and how long it will take to arrive. I can choose to continue to tread water at the edge of the proverbial whirlpool and try to swim upstream to escape, or, I can take a deep breath, relax and let go. (For the lifeguards out there, you know what happens when we become tense and struggle in water – we drain ourselves of energy and ultimately we sink. When we relax and breathe calmly, we become buoyant and we float. Simply put, anyway.)

The “whirlpool” is not there to drown me (us) in sorrow or depression! The whirlpool is there to PROPEL me on my journey! It is there to assist me around the next bend and past the next obstacle.

My first step is to acknowledge the existence of the whirlpool and to stop resisting it. Although it may seem a treacherous obstacle, by resisting this “treachery”, the fear persists. It is the acceptance of what is that allows the release of fear. We do not fear what is. We fear what might be. What might be is a product of our thoughts and as we know, we sometimes allow our thoughts to get away from us.

We can, of course, imagine a future that is bright and cheery and for our Highest Good. This is a wonderful thing. However, it is our attachment to the outcome of the situation as well as our lingering imagination that lessen our ability to be present in the moment.

Getting back to “what might be”, for some people (yours truly, for one), this sometimes becomes a very negative thought pattern (I will continue to use “I” statements here, so as not to offend anyone who feels that this does not apply to them. *wink*) I think of how I want things to be in the future (which is ok), but then I begin to expect a particular outcome. I immediately form an attachment to the outcome of the situation and thereby block my own flow to achieve that which I so desire. WOW! I want immediate gratification and when I realize it doesn’t exist I become frustrated, angry and sad. Then I begin the thought pattern of wondering if these things will ever come to pass. I hold so tightly to my “ideal” that I cannot move toward it, nor can I move away from it. In order to move on in any manner, I must LET GO and LET GOD get me to my next “stop”. I must relax, accept what is and simply go with the flow.

Remember, the JOY is in our JOURNEY. It is not found only at the destination.