Grocery stores frighten me. Well, perhaps "frighten" is too strong of a word, but I certainly experience some degree of anxiety when I enter an unknown store. It's like visiting a new planet for the first time. There are all sorts of things all over the place - shelves, food, perishables, non-perishables, produce, canned goods, bottled goods, bagged goods, crunchy things, soft things, you get the idea.
Wondrous places, these "grocery" stores. It takes me a while to warm up to one, and when I do, I like it to stay the same. No re-organizing please. Aisle 1 is for produce and produce only. Cereal and healthy snacks in aisle 2, etc.
Today I went to Trader Joe's. I go there for one particular item and that item is located on the right side of the store, second set of shelves in from the wall. It was there, anyway, the last time I was in the store. Today was different. Even the entrance was in a different location. The entrance was moved about 20 feet to the right. I nearly walked into the window trying to get in. Don't worry, I figured it out before I looked completely stupid. Besides, I was chatting on the phone as I was walking, so folks probably just figured that I was talking to my reflection in the window. The confusion had only just begun. I entered the store (which I do not frequent, so it's always a bit intimidating) only to find a complete and total reorganization. Instead of wine and beer in front of me, it was oranges and bananas. I love oranges and bananas, but at this point I was FEELING bananas! And people. People everywhere! It seemed like an impending snowstorm shopping excursion! (and no snow in the forecast, by the way) I stood still in an attempt to get my bearings, then realized that if I didn't move I would soon be run down by any one of a number of shopping carts. I shuffled in, then realized that I might need a basket so I exited the entrance, grabbed a basket, darted back in and stood still for a few more seconds.
Every person in that store was there to be in my way, I'm certain. They all knew I was coming and they got there first. They were waiting for me. They were laughing.....all of them....laughing while planning mayhem and confusion at my expense.
Okay, that part isn't true, but it was really busy. I wondered while I wandered around and around, dodging carts, people, small children and produce. I looked for peanut butter, cheese and juicy oranges. I found carrots. Carrots are good and they were on my list so I grabbed them and put them in my basket. Much to my delight, on the opposite side of the store was a shelf full of the very item that I was seeking - Organic, sulfite free Red Wine. I grabbed a couple of bottles and continued my quest for peanut butter. I found salsa for someone who couldn't find it herself. I dodged carts, twisted out of the way of small children and marveled at the long checkout lines. I wished that I could open the wine. Giving up on the peanut butter, I made my way to the last checkout line and snuggled in behind a man and three small girls. We were next to the many different types of beer. I gazed at the shelves wondering if I should taste test a couple of brews. I opted to remain in line as a wonderful and seamless transition of cashiers was taking place. As the customer in front of me was leaving with his goods and I approached the register, one cashier left and another slid in with her till. It was a lovely dance that they did.
Also at this time another store associate needed to pass behind me. (I should note that I was wearing a short bill cap, a scarf, fleece jacket, ripped jeans and blue converse sneakers - not a fashion plate, but comfy). So as I squished up against the check-out counter for this associate to pass behind me, he said, "Excuse me, Sir".
I turned and glanced at him and said matter-of-factly, "No problem, Ma'am".
What? His hair was longer than mine......
I didn't look at him long enough to see his reaction, but I think he got the point.
The cashier was quite kind and quite empathic. She started to ask how I was, but quickly shifted to, "are you ok?" (I guess the annoyed look was still plastered on my face.)
I regained my cheerful demeanor (note sarcasm here, as I did NOT open the wine in the store), and smiled at her. "Oh, yes, I'm fine, thank you. He just called me Sir, so I called him Ma'am.... figured it must be opposite day. This is how I entertain myself," I told her, sheepishly.
The cashier got quite a kick out of my antics. I graciously paid for my wine and carrots and dodged my way out the door into the parking lot. There was a very nice lady in the parking lot who helped me safely cross the street by gently herding me with her cart. So kind. She was very nice.
I left and went to Whole Foods for the peanut butter and other obscure items (like bread and cheese). Whole Foods feels safe. They may not carry $6.49 bottles of organic wine, but they have great bananas and I know where the peanut butter is.
