Goals and Goal Setting.....my perspective, that is

Yesterday I heard the following exchange between two women a young lady with whom I am familiar and another (an attorney) who I had not previously met:

(A) Attorney: "So, what did you do before this job?"

(YL) Young lady: "Oh, I was a paralegal."

(A) "Really? So, what are your goals now?  Do you have any goals?"

(YL) "No, not really.   I don't have any goals, I mean, this opportunity came along and I decided to take it."

Upon speaking with "YL" after the exchange took place, she informed me that she felt rather silly leading this woman to believe that she had no goals in life.  While she was amused, she felt uncomfortable with the likelihood that this woman was passing judgement on her perceived lack of gusto.  We had a nice chuckle at the probable thought process of the attorney.  Maybe something like, "oh, this poor girl.  She had such a future, now here she is running around carrying papers and getting coffee with no real goals."  On the surface, it may seem exactly that way.  YL may have had a promising legal career ahead of her.  She may have continued her studies and become a high powered attorney, making history with her legal prowess.  Or not.  Who knows and who cares.  YL saw an opportunity in front of her, one that she saw as an exciting adventure (btw, I really can't say what she does, so suffice it to say that it is not a job for just anyone) on which she felt a calling to embark. 

The reality of YL's scenario is that she does, in fact, have goals.  Now, we did not go into a detailed discussion of her long term life plans or anything, but in our brief chuckle over her conversation with the attorney, we did focus on the goals of the moment.  At the moment, ("moment" meaning "this point in time" generally speaking) her goal is to be the best that she can be at whatever it is that she is doing at the time.  An admirable goal, I think.

All of this lead me to ponder the premise of "goal setting".  What exactly does this mean, how important is it, to whom, and why?  Books by "experts" have been written on this subject.  I am not an expert goal writer, or an expert anything, for that matter.  I do, however, have some thoughts on the subject.

Some may argue that goals must be measurable and being the best that one can be at a given time is not directly measurable and therefore cannot be a goal.  Okay, perhaps, but who are we to challenge someone else's goals?  

I am a part of a Martial Arts program in which we often tell students (and as students, are reminded) to set goals, write them down, keep track and then raise the bar as we achieve those goals.  We don't question one-another's mission, as we are all involved in the Martial Arts for our own personal reasons.  We do, however, help to motivate one another to become stronger, quicker, more fluent Martial Artists, and to carry these skills into our everyday lives.  We encourage one another to be the best that we can be and we give one another the space to do so in our own time and in our own way while simultaneously "raising the bar" for ourselves and each other.  The goals that I refer to here are measurable in some way and they are ever changing.  

     So what of the non-measurable goals - those times of “flux” where we are just working to be the best that we can be?  In my mind, this is perfectly acceptable.  I will refer to this as a “tweener-time”.  A time in which we are still working, moving, and living life one day at a time.  A “floatation” time, if you will.  I hesitate to say a time of waiting, because that implies a lack of doing.  I will say a time of being instead.  This might be a time in which we are entering into a new venture with unknown opportunities, or it might be a time just after we have accomplished something that we have been working toward.  It could be any time.  The important thing is that we sometimes need these down times to reflect, regroup and reassess our personal plan.  It is during these times that we are allowing ourselves to be the space in which we can grow and learn and be certain that we are headed in a comfortable direction.  (By “comfortable”, I mean a direction that resonates well within us.)

     An important point to keep in mind, however, is that we might be well served to limit the amount of time that we spend in these “tweener-times”.  I certainly would not give a time-frame, as we are all different.  However, the measure that I like to use is my own level of restlessness.  Personally, I tend to get antsy if I am not working on or toward something specific.  I am learning, however, to embrace the “tweener-times” and use them to my advantage by reflecting and reassessing, then preparing for the next endeavor.   I would say, then, that when restlessness begins to set in, that may be a good time to sit down and plot out a list of goals, plans or intentions.  To use a phrase that I have heard on more than one occasion lately, “write your life plan in pencil”; Or, write out your list of goals, plans or intentions in ink, but be open to the possibility of shifting gears and directions as life moves along.  

In other words, be open to recognizing and seizing opportunities as they come along.   Who wouldn’t want to do that, you might wonder.  I think that most of us want to be open to and recognize opportunities, but sometimes those opportunities are mistaken for roadblocks.  Sometimes, as we travel the pathway to our goals or intentions, we come across some sort of obstacle.  Whether it is physical, emotional, spiritual, alien, or some other entity, the very “thing” that seems to block our path may, in fact, be a doorway to a new beginning.  Whether a roadblock or a doorway, this bump in the road is an opportunity for us to learn and grow.  It very well may turn out that, after stepping through the doorway and achieving a specific goal, we look back at the obstacle and realize that it was vital to the achievement of our goal.  

For instance, I have been working on this post for a couple of days now.  I have encountered many bumps along the way that have precluded me from completing it.  However, each of those bumps has provided me with another bit of insight into what I want to say and how I might say it.  My current, immediate goal is to finish writing this and get it posted!

So here are the bullet points:  (each of which, of course, could easily have an entire chapter devoted to it.)

--  Goals are good whether they are broad and vague to the outsider or are daily/weekly/monthly goals/plans.

--  It is important to allow ourselves to be the space for ourselves and others to achieve and or modify our/their goals.

--  It is important to give ourselves the freedom to “move” and/or shift our focus and our goals

--  Be willing to recognize and seize the opportunity - roadblocks vs. doorways.

What is actually happening with YL is that she has given herself some leeway in her life plan.  She began one path and when a new doorway opened, she remained flexible and followed it.  She has an overview map of the area and is willing to travel previously unchartered territory on her journey through the land.  This, I think, is something that we could all do.  In fact, I think many of us do this, though we may find ourselves resisting a potential opportunity because we see it as an obstacle in our path rather than a doorway to a new journey.  So, let us all embrace our willingness to see the doorways, gather our thoughts and lists of goals and journey together on the Pathway that is before us.