"Sometimes you have to back off to go deeper."
                                                                                       -- Julia Ruocco

     This is the best quote I have heard in a long time....  well, I've heard a lot of great quotes, but this one today really struck me in a special way and on so many levels.

     This quote was shared with me in terms of giving my physical body time to rest as I recover from a "bug".   I soon came to realize that it has much more to offer.
     On a personal level, I am on a constant quest for personal growth and development.  Right now I am in a Life Coach Certification program with iPEC Coaching, which I consider the ultimate in personal development at this point for me.  (Taking nothing away from the wonders of intenSati.)  As I delve into this coaching program, I am recognizing the power of the fears that have both propelled me to where I am today and stopped me from fully experiencing Absolute Passion.  I am also recognizing the Truth in A Course in Miracles' definition of "miracle" (a shift in perception from fear to love).  The thing is, my experience up until this moment has taught me that when I am caught up in the midst of my fears, "trying" to shift to Love is a struggle.
     (In simple terms, it is a choice.  Do I view from fear, or do I view from Love?  Do I focus on fear, or do I focus on love?  The obvious choice is Love, right?  Of course!)
     But, what if it's not that easy?
     I spent the last couple of months in a space of fear.  Fear of losing something that was amazing; something with which I DID experience absolute passion.  I let my fears of not being lovable enough, not mattering, not being good enough get in the way of seeing my Truth.  The more I sat in this space of fear, the more I attracted evidence of what I least wanted.  I received back "confirmation" that I'm not lovable; not good enough.  (It is important to understand here, that what I received back was my own perception of "reality".... it's not that anyone said those words to me, but our perception  creates our reality....when we are stuck in the "shitstorm" of "thunder thoughts", that is what creates our perception.  Actually, all of our thoughts create our perception, but you get the point.  In other words, what we think about we bring about.)  I was thinking about what I didn't want.  And what did I get?  Just That!  I "lost" what I feared losing.  (I use the term "lost" very loosely, by the way.)
     Let's explore just a bit.
     Where I was....or "Who" I was.....
     I have lead workshops to "teach" people to move Beyond Positive Affirmations; to come fully into the vibration of that which they desire and to create the life that they want to live.  I came to a point of recognition that in order to continue this type of teaching and leading intenSati classes, I need to be in full integrity with my own desires.  I took steps to get there.  I turned my world and the world of another upside down.  I stated what I wanted and I GOT IT!  It was amazing.  And then came the "gremlins"....guilt.....not good enough....not deserving....."who do you think you are?"  and all of my own "teachings" went right out the window!  I stopped LIVING!  I succumbed to the fears and while I was seeing this happening, I felt so stuck in the midst of it that I just couldn't make the shift back out!  Yes, there were moments of calm - being in the eye of the hurricane rather than the twisted torrent of the tornado - but they were moments, and then KERPLUNK! right back into the fear.
     I resisted and resisted.  I knew I didn't want to be in this space.  I knew that I simply needed to decide to shift out of it, to shift my perception from fear to Love, and I tried and I tried and I tried, all the while creating more frustration for myself (and others).  Then it happened.  The wake up call.
     "I think we need a break".
     Those were my words.  You see, our inner guide always knows best.  Listening can be a challenge,  but the inner guide knows.  My inner guide blurted this out and we received immediate confirmation from our "love" that it was likely necessary.
     The fear of losing absolute passion became reality.  Sort of.  It depends how I view it, doesn't it?  My wake up call says this:  Letting the "gremlins" take charge and run your life leads to pain and suffering.  To grow, you must love the gremlins.  Let them show you your strength.  Let them show you just how courageous you are.  Let them reMind you of your Truth and let them be there to emphasize the importance of remaining self aware!
     I came to understand that the perception that I had, that I needed to "become" someone different in order to actually experience this absolute passion, was so misguided!  (fear based)  Just BEING Courageous, Loving, Charismatic, AWESOME, Strong, MAGNETIC ME IS exactly what is called for!  That's it!
     The challenge?
     For me, the challenge is Loving all of that within me while recognizing that the gremlins continue to rear their little heads.  (You see, when we are on the verge of greatness, that is when our fears/gremlins/ego hold on most tightly).
     The gift(s)?
     Learning to Love ALL that is ME while recognizing that the gremlins continue to rear their little heads, and viewing them with Love and Compassion!  AND, experiencing new and beautiful dialogue in a relationship that is both powerful and beautiful.
     Yes, I said I "lost" what I most feared losing (a woman with whom I share a depth of passion, joy and Love).  But what I really lost was the need to hold onto fear.  Living from a space of self love and absolute passion is a choice.  My fear lead me to believe that I needed the approval of someone else, or needed to meet the "standards" of someone else in order to be in that space and make that choice.  (Excess baggage that I brought along on this leg of the journey.)  My "guilt" over leaving a long term relationship and everything that goes along with it kept me thinking that it is not OK for me to experience happiness.  My "not good enough" phrase kept me believing that it was all true.  But, none of it is true, and it is certainly not Truth!
     I stayed stuck and NOT in charge of my thoughts, attitude or actions.  I relinquished my power to my fear.
     I received the space to come fully into the Truth of Who I AM, with the full acknowledgment and understanding that no matter what, Who I AM, is Who I needed to be all along.  I came to realize that the woman I love also loves me, as me!  I received a new wake up call.

     Time will tell what this space will bring in terms of relationship for us.  I know what I want, but I have also learned that attaching to an outcome is a dangerous thing.

     Fears come and fears go.  Shifting perspective is a practice.  It is a daily practice.  My empowering question:  "How amazing can my life be today, as I shift my perspective from fear to Love?"

     "Who" am I (now)?

     I AM someone who finds the gift in all situations.  I look for and I find the Joy in the Journey and I THRIVE on helping others do the same.
     I AM me.  I AM Absolute Passion, Joy, Abundance and Prosperity.  I AM Love and Grace.  I AM.
     This is the Truth of Who I AM.  This Truth never changed, I simply "forgot" by way of being overcome by fear.

     "Sometimes you have to back off to go deeper."