Where Are My Pants?!?

Have you ever asked yourself (or someone else, for that matter) the question, "Where are my pants?"
It happened to me a couple of weeks ago . . .

Wow, that sounds a bit risque', doesn't it? Hmmm....well, read on. It will all make sense in a moment.

As I prepared to leave the house for the gym/martial arts school where I train a few times a week, I realized that I had a Gi (Karate uniform) with no pants. Perplexed, I looked around the basement, in the laundry, in my gym bag, any place I could think of where my pants could be hiding. I have an uncanny knack for putting things in strange places when I get distracted, so believe me when I say that I looked everywhere. No pants. Of course, I'm now running late and feeling quite frustrated that I have no bottoms. (I do have other pairs, but that's not the point.)
"How can someone possibly lose a pair of pants?" I asked aloud, exasperated.
"Did you check the laundry?" offered "Lady M", trying to be helpful.
I'm sure she was stifling laughter, however, at my latest frantic search for some important article/item that I absentmindedly misplaced at the most inopportune time. (Not that this happens often, or anything.)

So, off I go, pantsless, to the gym. (How's that for a mental image?)

Let's clear that up. I was wearing shorts, and I had a complete uniform in my bag. Just not that particular pair of pants.

I tend to do my best thinking while driving in the car. (Whoever decided that hand held cell phones are the hazard is wrong, btw, it's the thinking thing that gets me in trouble. I do digress, however.) So, as I'm driving, I go through in my head the last time that I was at the gym. I mentally finished class, went to the locker room, changed my clothes, packed my bag...WAIT....back up....finished class.....YES......that's it.........
On this particular night, I had rushed to change clothes and scamper out because I was meeting some co-workers for a late evening cocktail. OK, so now I know that I had been in a hurry to leave, but that just didn't explain the missing pants.
Then, another image came to mind. I had been at the gym one afternoon since then. I had seen a pair of pants lying on the counter in the locker room. Of course, I had no reason to think that they were mine, but now I was not so sure.
When I arrived at the school (gym - interchangeable, really), I asked "Ms. R" (a friend and lovely lady who works at this place of fitness fun) if she had, by chance, found a pair of pants in the locker room. Her eyes widened with a look of shock and a hint of disgust.
"Geesh," I thought, "what's the big deal?"
Ms. R confirms that she did find a pair of karate pants, then she adds, "They had a pair of panties with them."
PANTIES?!?!?!? (she said panties - this always makes me giggle. I don't know why.)
Sheepishly, I asked what kind, then realized, before she replied, that this may not have been appropriate. I mean, it's one thing to find someone's pants, but quite another to find two pairs. Really, in that sort of situation, are you going to check out the brand of underpants that someone wears?? Ms. R's reply pretty much supported that statement. I never knew her voice could go that high.
"I don't know, I threw them in a locker, I didn't look!" She retorted in a high pitched, faced paced tone.
I slinked my way to the locker room and checked the locker in question. There, in a balled up heap, was a pair of karate pants. I carefully extracted and unrolled them. In the mess was a lovely pair of pink jockey underwear. Yep. They were mine. Of all days to leave my britches behind, I pick the day that I wore PINK UNDERPANTS. How un-macho. I'm not sure which was more embarrassing. The fact that I forgot my pants, or the color factor. (I'm kidding - any color of forgotten underwear is quite disconcerting.)
As I was self-consciously stuffing my pants into my bag, Ms. R. walked in.
I informed her that they were indeed my pants and told her how sorry I was that she had to find my sweaty drawers.
"Hey, at least you know that they were mine," I said, trying to ease the grossness of the situation. (This, apparently, was little solace.)

In the end, we had a good laugh over it, but, from now on, I will DEFINITELY check and recheck to make sure that I have all of my pants.